


Dogs Spelled Backwards is Love

by lixlinleerob



Category: Stray Kids
Genre: (Will be written in small lettering format), Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Fluff, Multi, Romantic Soulmates, Swear Words!!, Tiny bit of Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-10-02 07:52:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17260418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lixlinleerob/pseuds/lixlinleerob
Summary: we all desire love. we all do. it's just a commmon human trait.hyunjin. jisung. changbin. jeongin. chan. seungmin. felix. woojin. minho. see? all capable of giving and receiving love.but being born in this world is different. your soulmate is mapped out in the shape of a dog. a single dog is enough for every single thing to change, as you know it.





	1. Dogs and Death

**Author's Note:**

> hello ^.^ this is my first au on 'ao3'. i hope it will be enjoyable and interesting, as well as cute ofc! i first got the idea of dogs as a representation of your soulmates just the other day. it was a random thought that popped into my head. just like that! hehe.  
> now, before going on -please NOTE this au will be in small letters, even though the title is not -there will be swear words but the themes will not be too dark -just as a warning before each chapter, i might do notes like these to warn of any triggering topics, so keep a look out though -i don't think i'll have a schedule to post, as i write this au as i go along. i have some events planned out and the ending ships but that's about it, lol oops -lastly, pls follow my twitter, i'm active on there and will post about updates and whatnot @felixndchill  
> -happy reading <3

let’s start from the beginning shall we? in this au universe, the devil had a white dog. god had a black dog. they didn’t fall in love or anything!  
have you read this universe’s bible?! (or any other precious materials in your religion?) but, they _do_ say that good and bad attract. ying and yang of life...  
now, what was significant was that god’s dog was anything but ‘god’s dog’.  
the black dog was rather ferocious, very naughty and had boundless balls of energy. to contrast, the white dog was sweet. he was calm and nice, he really was heaven!  
centuries later, scientists and theorists wondered whether their _own_ dogs and the tale of the black and white dog meant that it represented that person’s personality and desires. the ones they were meant to fall in love with. well, maybe not love in this case but it made sense.  
life cannot exist without some happiness. it also cannot exist without chaos and sadness.  
the two polar opposites, either one or the other. always by hand, waiting to strike.  
that really did explain the white and black dog centuries ago. although, some pessimists still remain, shitting on the theory.  
and thus, it was norm in this au universe. a dog appeared, as if by magic, once you were ready for love.  
for the majority, a dog arrived when you were a teenager. for others, it wasn’t until your late thirties. for some lucky buggers, they got their dog as a child. the youngest known record was 6 years old. the oldest was 58.  
in this universe, dogs were so commom that you couldn’t really go at least a couple of minutes without seeing a dog.  
you trained these as any other normal pets, except once you met your soulmate face to face, boom! they disappeared.  
the years, months or sometimes just weeks of loving this dog embodiment of your soulmate was gone in a wink.  
it was sometimes hard to determine who had met their soulmates or not. some people walked alone.  
was that because they had met theirs already? were they still waiting to be able to receive love? did their soulmate die?  
it was agonising for many. for some it was ridiculous, but of course chose to deal with it.  
and even a small majority who was simply overridden with joy and excitement at the thought of it.  
hyunjin was the small majority that was excited.

 

****************************************************************************************************

 

hyunjin was a hopeless romantic from a young age.  
you know the type- crying and squealing at romantic films, constantly daydreaming about stargazing with his soulmate,  
getting excited at seeing couples hugging, praying every night that his soulmate was safe and well.

at age 10 years old, he saw one of his friend’s dogs. not the first he met. not the last he was going to meet.  
she was a beautiful poodle, all slender and tall and proud. hyunjin thought that his friend’s soulmate would be so pretty!

hyunjin went to pet the dog and could see in the eyes of his friend that he didn’t care about the dog.  
his thoughts were filled with video games, soft toys and sweets, everything a 10 year old boy or girl should think of.  
not of a dog who happened to be a representation of his soulmate.  
hyunjin couldn’t help and think of nothing _but_ this dog. his friend was ready to meet his soulmate and yet, he didn’t care!  
hyunjin, for the first time in his life, felt a pang of jealousy and bitterness at the friend.  
how come he was ready to meet his soulmate when he clearly didn’t care?  
hyunjin had full of love to give and there was no dog in sight. how was that fair?!

at only 10 years old, hyunjin got into his first fist fight.

at 12 years old, hyunjin felt that wave of jealousy and bitterness again. the same sharp pang in his stomach,  
the eye scrunch that came with it and the anger that flashed over him in a trance.  
he looked in his friend’s eyes.  
he saw there was no care for this greyhound who was his.

the fight lasted until hyunjin blacked out.

now don’t get me wrong though, hyunjin isn’t a violent person at all.  
he just so happened to pick a fight for the same reason as last time...which was unfortunate.

when hyunjin was 14 years old, he met his friend’s dog who was a male. this came as a shock to him. being gay was a taboo.  
everyone knew that. and so, one of his seemingly straight friends was going to be with another male? even so, hyunjin was accepting of love full stop.

the friend was in shock and hyunjin was trying to calm him down. hyunjin saw the utter disbelief and hatred in his eyes that was aimed at the male dog.  
there came that familiar sense of jealousy and bitterness and hyunjin recognised it right away.  
instead of lashing out at his friend, his thoughts were lashing out on himself this time. it was a shocking change.  
he really hated he was feeling this way. why did he have to be so jealous?! if he was so full of love, why did he have to feel this way?!  
why did he care if his friends had their dogs?! he should be happy for them!  
but more than that, a strong feeling of wanting to protect this dog came over him. who cares if he was a male?! love is love, so get over it!

at age 18 years old, hyunjin met his current girlfriend’s dog.

this wasn’t supposed to happen!

hyunjin had finally met a super amazing girl who treated him like a prince and he had many of his hopeless romantic visions come true.  
walk on the beach under the stars? check. an amusement park date? check. building a fort and speaking all night? check.

his dog was nowhere to be seen, so hyunjin just assumed the universe was shitting on him and then one day, his girlfriend’s embodiment of a dog would come bounding in his life, much like she did. a blonde golden retriever, no doubt. who was always there to make you happy, who was energetic and loved hugs and company.

he assumed it would happen any day now!

only, when his girlfriend came knocking at his door, sobbing and stuttering, with a _pug_ on her heels, that's when hyunjin’s heart broke.

he wasn’t like a pug. he knew he wasn’t. pugs were short, stocky beings, with lazy attitudes and a lot of love to give, sure but..that wasn’t hyunjin.

she had told him, ‘you’re like a hunting dog! you’re strong, brave and loyal!’ he envisioned a black, sleek pointer dog rocking up his girlfriend’s world.  
not a fucking pug.

the next thing hyunjin did after hearing his heart break was to groan. an audibly, agitated one.

“b-babe, i-i’m sorry! i didn’t know and-and he was there when i woke up, and i’ve been c-crying all the way here!  
i haven’t fed him at all o-or anything, i feel guilty for it not being your dog! don’t worry, i won’t love him, i-i love you and-“

hyunjin cuts across her sobs and stuttering that’s starting to give him a headache.

“don’t. p-please stop. you know how much finding someone means to me!” he almost shouts but composes himself,  
seeing the started, red look on his girlfriend-who-now-wasn’t-his’-face.

it's true. hyunjin values love more than anything.  
he is family orientated, checks up on his friends often and gives it his all in everything he loves doing, like dancing, rapping.  
he's no stranger to the feeling of love.

but yet... he feels distant and alone because everyone is meeting their soulmates right, left and centre, and still hyunjin is left with no dog.

he breathes in a shaky breath and speaks to her in a firm but soft voice instead.  
“don’t say that stuff about not loving him. please love him as if he was there. please. you’ll find your soulmate soon... i want you to be happy.  
f-forget about me. i’ll be fine alone. it’s obvious we weren’t meant to be...”

hyunjin trails off his words, trying not to cry. composing himself, he flashes her the hyunjin smile with crinkly eyes, which she replies back with a weak one, as she finally nods.

she’ll leave hyunjin alone. she’ll move on and love this dog. it was hyunjin’s command. she was to obey if she loves him. she does.

but not in the way soulmates were meant to, apparently.

hyunjin gently closes the door. he isn’t feeling gentle at all. he wants to scream, wants to cry, wants to do anything that would make take his mind off things.

what hyunjin does instead is what not a lot of people would’ve done.  
after checking that the coast is clear, he shuts the door behind him, creeps out into the corridor and goes down the emergency stairs that lead to the underground car park. he jumps in his torn and old jeep. the one his parents gave to him.

his tears and feelings are on hold as he drives.

after 5 minutes, he arrives at a remote forestry. at around 10am, the place is deserted. as expected.

he walks up a steep hill that is slightly soggy from last night’s rain and finally is where he was headed.  
a valley that overlooks not a lot else but nature. green, misty and away from civilisation.

hyunjin opens his mouth and lets out an enraged, pathetic shout that sounds like a guy who failed at getting an acting part in king kong.

hyunjin doesn’t care.

he lets out his shouts that helps to relieve his broken heart, his flushed cheeks, his wet eyes.

he does nothing more for solid minutes until, "mind if i join you? my vocal chords need a bit of wear and tear."

there, a mere feet to the left of him stands a short-ish, baby faced boy with freckles and a smile to match his dyed auburn, orange hair.

he is _beautiful._

hyunjin thought he was bisexual.

he's more gay than he thought.

 

************************************************

“oh, hi jeongin! i didn’t know we had theatre practice today!” comes a familiar voice from behind the tall for his age, black haired boy.

he turns around to see bang chan standing there, in all his glory of a simple white t-shirt, grey joggers and a mask hanging just under his chin.  
the morning sun casts an ethereal glow to chan. his features are illuminated. his baby pink hair looks extra cute today. or maybe chan's features are like that to jeongin only.

to jeongin, chan is the reason he can smile brighter, laugh louder, love harder. he sees chan as more than his senior.  
he sees chan as a man who was carved by the gods himself. the epitome of grace, beauty and all things good in the world.

just one small problem...

chan has a dog.

the dog is a him, which makes jeongin feel prideful, but oh boy, the cherry on top of the cake was that the dog had been with chan for 7! years!

chan told him that love was worth waiting for. it was that simple.

jeongin recognises that because he himself knows how love can make you feel.

it makes your insides all tingly, your brain is filled with happy thoughts and you want to be with that person every waking hour of every waking day.

although, a part of jeongin always feels guilty because he wishes that the dog represents him. it clearly isn't though. he knows it and it hurts.  
chan's dog is a chow-chow. a calm, laid back dog who also has a fierce side. a dog that licks up every food but most of all, chicken. the chow-chow is soft, fluffy and bear-like.

jeongin could've grown to love a dog as likeable as him. he should've accepted his fate and just do that. for chan's sake.

but, the dog was always there with chan and the dog serves as a painful reminder to jeongin.  
'haha, look at you! you'll always lose! and i'll get the main prize every time! chan!' the dog seems to say to jeongin. jeongin can look in the dog's eyes and swears  
he can see victory shining through. this is only jeongin's imagination of course.

"yo, chan! w-we don't. i just wanted to come to double check that everything is set for next practice..." jeongin's eyes trail to the floor as he can feel chan's knowing look trained on him.

"that's an excuse to avoid your parents, right? anything to get out of the house."

 _dammit,_ chan knew jeongin well. after all, they were family friends and after spending their whole childhood together, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that jeongin hates spending time at his home.

jeongin, through chan's eyes, is a vulnerable teen who just wants his parents to stop fighting. he knew it got serious when jeongin  
suggested joining the theatre society.

the last time jeongin was on stage, he wore a bee costume. jeongin vowed never to act again.

as the older, brother figure chan thought he was and the responsibility he had, he had said yes. not knowing the commitment and patience the theatre society really took out of them.

chan coudn't help but applaud jeongin though. a smart plan indeed.  
to get out of the house at least three times a week, for up to three hours at a time at no cost? genius.

the other places jeongin went during the weekdays was to chan's house, seungmin's house or to his favourite cafe. there was no inbetween.

chan thought seungmin and jeongin would be cute together actually. he teased jeongin often about his best friend. he thought jeongin must have a crush on seungmin, right? he sulked when chan teased him, blushed at the mention of his name. seungmin and jeongin were also no strangers to skinship.

if _only_ chan knew that jeongin only sulked because he got it maybe just a little bit right. as usual.

if _only_ chan knew jeongin blushed because something had happened before. it was still actively there today.

**********************************************************

13 year old seungmin. also 13 year old jeongin. it was summer. and it was humid. their clothes had stuck to their glistened skin like glue.  
and so there was no option but to strip to their underwear. lying there, on the slightly itchy grass, looking at the vast, black sky, seungmin stretched out his left hand to where he touched jeongin's shoulder.

he wanted to tell him something.

the younger sat up and sprung around pretty fast, to seungmin's surprise.

"seungmin! you're supposed to lay completely still so that the cicadas can crawl on us!"

"jeongin, that's fucking weird and gross and totally not gonna happen! what's your obsession with those things?"

jeongin gave a faux offended face, putting his hand to his chest. "i read it in a magazine once. apparently, these two best friends were laying completely  
still on the grass in the night, when they felt these prickly things-"

"i have something to tell you, jeongin." seungmin had randomly cut across him.                                                                                                                  "has this got anything to do with the cicadas or are you deadass serious right now?" jeongin asked with innocence.

"i'm serious." seungmin replied and just with that answer alone, the atmoshpere became more heavy than it already was with the heat. the cicadas that jeongin spoke about couldn't be seen but they could be heard. the chorus of chirping was unnecessarily loud.

jeongin continued looking at him. what could possibly have come up?

"my soulmate is dead." seungmin says emotionless.

oh.

jeongin blinked with force. how random? how awfully serious that was? how? what? why?

seungmin sighs and continues warily,  
"every dog is scared of me, like i carry the plague. my parents even searched up the symptoms."

people with no soulmates knew it. they just did. the moment they were ready for love, their heart broke. they had no one.

jeongin couldn't comprehend it at all. "m-maybe you're overreacting. maybe you're allergic to them? i haven't found my soulmate yet, don't worry" jeongin says with a smile. this only caused seungmin to sour even more.

"jeongin, i told you my soulmate is dead. and that's that. there's no other explanation. no valid one, anyways. i'll forever be lonely. and i guess i wanted you to know now incase we ever stop becoming friends..." seungmin said the last bit in an attempt to joke around.  
make himself feel better. make jeongin feel better. all it did was cause a mini meltdown in jeongin.

jeongin didn't know what came over him. it was possibly the fact that this smiley, funny dork who was his best friend would never experience love. would never get to experience the nerve-wracking yet exciting moment of seeing the dog for the first time. yet alone his own soulmate.  
he could only sit and watch from the sidelines.

seugmin is on one side of the rainbow, when everyone else is on the joyful side, seungmin's in the middle of an empty sahara, when everyone else are in lagoons, seungmin's alone at sea, when everyone else are on a treasure island.

jeongin at once thought that this boy deserved love more than him. a sudden wave of sadness washed over jeongin as he processed what he had been thinking.

seungmin deserved love...

suddenly, jeongin leaned forward and kissed seungmin. seungmin was caught off guard at first. jeongin was stiff. but both of their lips soon relaxed.  
jeongin's pretty hands found it's way to seungmin's chubby cheeks, almost cupping his face. seungmin's hands stayed on the ground, steadying himself.  
as they both pulled away after a couple of seconds, the taste lingered in their mouths. that first kiss taste, the taste of faint grass and the taste of seungmin's cocoa lipbalm.

only as soon as it finished and they pulled away did jeongin notice that seungmin had tears rolling down his face- fat, salty ones.

"i-i'm scared jeongin..." seungmin said in a hoarse, broken whisper.

jeongin's own eyes teared up. seungmin didn't deserve this!

he almost roughly, pulled seungmin in an embrace. he whispered words that sounded more like he was breathing them.

"i'm so sorry seungmin...i'm sorry you can't meet him... what would help is i could be your soulmate, for the time-being? yeah. i can still be your best friend. but if you wanna cuddle  
or do something romantic, even...kiss, i could be there for you...i could do it for you."

seungmin's tears had dried. jeongin's mouth worked faster than his brain, as he was now processing what he said after letting go of the embrace.

jeongin couldn't disappoint seungmin now.

but yet his mind still wandered to chan, his first ever crush. jeongin also couldn't disappoint chan. he was in love with chan. he thought he was. is.

but now, he had messed things up. seungmin didn't know that. chan didn't know that. but jeongin did.

 

*******************************************

 

"yeah, you're right channie hyung...let's go eat!" jeongin said to chan, where the elder just smiled that gordforsaken, dimpled smile of his.


	2. Only One Screamed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo, i'm back! sorry for the week wait, if any of you actually waited lmao. here's the new chapter filled with fluff but tinsy bit of drama too oof :0 please leave your thoughts in the comments, as it's helpful to me to see your opinions! also leave kudos, if you want hehe. in this chapter, there's swearing but that's the worst 'trigger' warning. enjoy and i'll come back with my third chapter soon! (hopefully, as school is starting again fml fml).
> 
> P.S i hope you *any genders* are taking notes on the subtle hints i drop in regarding stray kids! like the number 9, 'stay', skz cafe etc <3

this day changed things for hyunjin. ************************************

hyunjin stands there, both in awe and shock at this human who came and burst his bubble of being the only one here at this time. to say he's humiliated is rather an understatement.

hyunjin's cheeks are flushed but for an entirely different reason now. the reason is standing to the left of him.

the air is silent, only with the distant calls of birds. felix speaks up, apologising profoundly. "oh dude, i'm sorry. i-i didn't actually mean to disturb you. i just came here to clear my head. sorry! i can leave if you want. continue on with your shouting. i'm sorry-"

as felix turns away, hyunjin cuts across him, speaking with a sore voice.

"stay."

that was all it took. that command, that verb and felix turns back around, shuffling closer towards his new friend.

hyunjin is silent again, engulfed in his thoughts. he practically forgot why he was here. instead, his thoughts are glitching out with thoughts of this guy by his side. thoughts like his voice totally doesn't match his looks. yet again, judging this guy was here all alone though, he must be around his own age?

even so, one thing hyunjin was sure of was that he wanted felix to stay. he said it with his gut instinct.

felix is silent too. he actually did want to join in on the screaming. it seemed fun. it was better than dwelling on his life all alone. although, the more he thinks about it and the more time passes, felix starts to reconsider. maybe joining him would've been a bad idea after all....

if one person alone sounded like a murder, how were two people going to sound like...?

see, it was actually a funny story of felix discovering hyunjin.

he was simply parking in the car park and saw a considerably bigger jeep than his a couple spaces down.

felix turned down the volume of the radio to 11 that was playing 'honestly' by eric nam. one of his favourites. there seemed to be an estranged shout from somewhere.

it wasn't that loud, but it definitely wasn't coming from this song. or his car. he completely turned everything off, apologising to 'eric sunbaenim' as he did so. it was still there. the animalistic sound. a growl?

he stepped out of his car and it was louder. felix's heart raced. it sounded like a painful shout.

he checked his pulse because he was getting very anxious and nervous. 'oh god, what if there's a murder? where can i hide?' his overactive mind was giving up on him. he looked around and all he could see were vegetation and tall, thin trees.

they were no good for hiding.

so, with his racing heart and trembling hands, he did what the stupid protagonists always did in horror movies. checking out where the sound was coming from.

he walked up the steep hill, cautious steps at a time, keys out at the ready like a weapon. 

only then did felix start to become even more worried than he was, as he would probably miss if the murderer attacked him. because his hands were trembling.

a lot.

he then stopped as he saw a lone figure standing there. this was the sound source. no one else was in sight, thank god!

but...maybe this dude was insane? had he escaped from an asylum miles away? was he secretly a wolf, calling to his friends?

felix warily stepped forward again and could have a better view of his clothes from the back. he definitely had money and style.

this dude was rocking a green hoodie under denim dungarees, with battered converses on his seemingly large feet. simple, as far as felix could tell.

but cool and trendy. like he cared what he looked like. like he bought the pieces seperately but had the brains to piece them together to make it work. it did.

felix concluded that this dude was here to do the same thing as him- escape from reality, in a sense. it seemed stress relieving. and judging from the screaming, it sounded like this dude got it bad. had it bad?

felix couldn't help but stand there a few seconds, judging whether he should disturb him. would it be worth it? would this random guy bite his head off? should he plan his escape route already?

felix's body took over on impulse without anymore train of thought.

he carefully dumped his keys in his pockets, with his less trembling hands now and walked as naturally as he could until he was standing about a feet to the left from this guy. he spoke up, wanting to seem friendly and cool.

and only then did he feel bad for assuming things, as this guy stopped his screaming and turned his head.

sure, he looked embarrased.

but, he is _completely_ gorgeous... the glossy, yet messy ash blonde hair, his big puffy lips, his under eye mole on an otherwise spotless face.

the only downside was his face was puffy and red from crying, felix presumed. his eyes were bloodshot too.

and so felix did the thing he thought he did best these days, seemingly intruding on an upset moment.

to apologise and flee.

but the guy muttered a word felix wanted to hear from certain people for a long time. 'stay'.

so felix did just that, daring to shuffle a bit closer to this mysterious guy.

the silence that neither of them dared to break was rather calming.

hyunjin giggles quietly. felix looks across at the guy and wonders what's so funny? he is also confused.

how a minute ago ,did he scream so painfully, so loudly and here he was being the complete opposite and giggling adorably? what the fuck?

felix's curiosity gets the better of him. "what's so funny?"

it isn't too long before hyunjin answers, with a cough to clear his throat. "us. just standing in silence like this. heck, i don't even know your name!"

felix smiles lightly. "yeah, it is kinda funny. actually-..." 'am i going to do it? am i really? what if he says no? what if he doesn't want to? how will i cope? oh...fuck it!' felix's train of thoughts are at it again.

"actually, care for me to give you my number? you could know my name then."

'holy fucking shitballs lix! that was so smooth!'

hyunjin's eyebrows shoot up in suprise. and maybe in an impressed way too. that was smooth. it made his heart tingle.

he always wanted someone to use a pickup line on him or to even be interested enough to ask for his phone number. it filled his hopeless romantic heart.

hyunjin probably zoned out, because now felix has stepped even closer.

felix's expectant face is too much for hyunjin's heart. of course he'll accept. how could he not?

hyunjin can't form a single word, so he places his hand out instead, but he starts to worry it's trembling. it isn't obvious that it is. good.

felix is beaming. 'it worked! my first and hopefully last pickup line!'

felix's hands are a juxtoposition to earlier. now his hands are firm and collected, whereas hyunjin's hands, oblivious to felix are trembling with nerves.

hyunjin almost lets out a squeak by seeing felix's cute small hands. he wants to hold them, squeeze them. as hyunjin is thinking of various occasions when he could hold felix's hand (maybe on the ferris wheel? cuddling together?), his cold phone is placed back in his hand.

he comes back to reality. he looks at what this guy typed and finds it even more hard to suppress a squeal.

felix walks away giving back the phone. he stayed for the perfect amount of time. now it's time to go.

felix decides to look back halfway down the hill. he waves, energetically.

hyunjin waves back too, shyly. he takes his eyes off of felix's retreating figure and he looks back down at his phone.

there is felix's phone number, with the contact name 'possibly yours..felix'.

 

*************************************************************************************

the hot chocolate is placed in front of jeongin by the stony faced waitress and his belly grumbles. it's not even lunchtime yet and damn, he could eat a horse.

this morning, he walked out the house with no breakfast. he obviously regrets it.

as jeongin is slurping up the cream with his spoon, there is a ping from chan's phone.

"oh! changbin just texted me! it seems urgent." chan's belly lurches as he re-reads the text his best friend sent him. a simple 'where r u. i need ur help. pls ....' chan starts to worry, as he types back 'skz cafe, the usual seats. ofc i'll be waiting.'

jeongin notices chan's worried actions. it consists of chan playing with his fingers, glancing around everywhere and uncrossing and crossing his legs. it's the actions that speaks for itself, as jeongin knows it's his way of taking his mind off things by fidgeting.

"i'm sure it's nothing channie hyung. don't stress!" jeongin says. he reaches out and grabs chan's hands that are tapping away on the table. the only skinship jeongin can muster without fully blushing at the moment.

chan's hands are cold and pale, so jeongin's larger hands warm them up by circling them, rubbing them.

chan looks down at jeongin's busy hands, and for a split second, as jeongin glances at the elder's reaction, he swears he can see hope or.... adoration flashed over his eyes?

but the moment is gone.

chan's eyes turn back to be wandering pairs, focusing on the 50 year old painting behind jeongin's head, the lovey dovey couple behind jeongin, even the stony faced waitress at the till.

chan hasn't noticed jeongin's hands are still on his. their hands are almost interwined by now.

jeongin clears his throat, knowing that chan's way of skinship isn't hand holding. as much as jeongin likes it, he can't take advantage of it in a situation like this. that would be harsh.

chan glances at the younger, trying to smile reassuringly.

he carefully retracts his hands from underneath jeongin's as he finally realises and for some reason, feels self-conscious. he puts his hands between his legs instead.

chan is back to being fidgety as his mind is racing over changbin's worrying text. what could changbin possibly have done? was he in danger? was he hurt?

chan can't bear the thought of changbin hurt. not ever.

after all, changbin helped him at a point when he felt like drowning. at a point when he thought couldn't carry on anymore.

winter of 2016. everything seemed so shit. he was really at his low.

chan had no motivation for new songs for his soundcloud account. the no motivation meant he was probably losing the fans he had on there. he was losing profit.

chan's parents had also made the decision to move back to korea and live back in the neighbourhood they grew up in. i say back, because chan and his siblings had an upbringing in korea but his parents had made the decision to move to australia.

chan made it clear- his home was here, in south korea, even if he technically was born in australia as a baby. he refused to leave, not now.

so, as a 16 year old, with legal consent, chan stayed in korea, his guardian being his estranged uncle. this uncle died when chan was 18, so he kept it a secret.

chan wanted to pursue music. not be an idol but maybe to songwrite, compose songs etc. he could be an undeground rapper. he could survive that life! or he could be an online sensation...

chan also began losing interest in food. the once joy it bought him, turned into his enemy and his frame quickly became skinny and bony, not muscular and broad like he used to be.

another shitty event was after the whole 'we might move there' fiasco, it was never spoken about again.

because his little sister had become sick. sicker than just any normal illness. that made his parents stay in australia.

it was fucking terrifying and it made chan's parents apologise for being so harsh on chan when they almost didn't let him stay. the risk of losing their only daughter made them fear losing their eldest son.

late night skype calls or early morning skype calls daily. it was the same routine of getting his sister on the phone, asking about her day, asking how she was doing.

his sister had been diagnosed to having chronic joint pain and slowly deteriating eyesight. what fucking life was that? how dare the world make his sister suffer? he was furious.

this made chan bitter and angry at the world. he almost lost touch with jeongin. almost.

even the concept of the soulmate thingie felt strange and just shit to chan. he wanted a soulmate now. he had been waiting for a while.

so, when this mysterious, dark haired figure bumped into him at a farmer's market in the winter of 2016, chan's whole fate looked up.

of course, jeongin was of some help.

but changbin....

they clicked right away. and they were closer in age. both university dropouts. both wanting to focus on music. changbin opening up to chan about his own struggles and helping chan get back into the groove of songwriting, get back into loving food, get back into being his old self that changbin knew was in there somewhere.

so, as soon as the cafe door pinged after only a couple of minutes but felt like hours, chan's eyes lit up. changbin!

chan stood up and patiently waited for changbin to cross the cafe.

changbin walks as normal as ever, his usual swagger that makes your eyes swivel to look at him.

his cap is low over his head, so his face has an unreadable expression.

changbin is finally at the table, he didn't even have to look out for them. this is their usual hang out spot.

chan engulfs changbin in a hug, a firm hug. changbin isn't taken back. instead, he almost collapses in the hug like chan makes him feel safer. more reassured.

changbin seems like a 'dark' guy. but the more chan gets to know him, the more soft he really is. he's gay, pretty touchy feely and quite frankly hilarious around those he trusts. so almost snuggling into chan's hug is not out of the blue.

"what is it dude?! are you okay?" chan asks, letting go of the embrace.

people have started to stare as they're the only ones to stand up. it was a fierce collision too.

jeongin throughout this has been smiling. seeing chan so worried over his friend but now just glad that his best friend is here makes him smile and feel relieved too.

although, the jealous part of jeongin wishes it was him hugging chan instead, despite how selfish that is.

changbin shrugs after the question. "yeah, i'm okay, nothing much happened to me. well, actually, something did.."

chan and jeongin share a look... okay?

"come to my place." he says suddenly.

changbin's place is a couple blocks away, close to a lot of student residences. changbin was one once. the place is small, cheap and messy but it's good enough for a broke changbin.

the minutes it takes to arrive, there are hushed speaking and worried glances, wondering what could changbin possibly have back in his flat.

after the daunting flights of stairs that are rickety and old, they arrive outside number 9.

changbin takes a deep breath and opens his flat with a jangle of his keys. he flips the switch on the lights that are by the door.

the flat seems normal. nothing has changed. the same tiny kitchen joined up with the larger living room. the same half ajar door to the bathroom. a closed bedroom door.

changbin puts a hand to his lips in a silencing motion and quietly walks to his bedroom door, placing a ear to it. chan and jeongin listen closely, with worried expressions.

there seems to be some sort of whimpering, actually. faintly. it sounds sad.

the possibilities are whirling through chan and the youngest's minds. what the fuck is behind the door? should they be worried? is it a human? what could changbin possibly have hidden there? did he hurt someone by accident?

without any more wondering, changbin opens the door.

now the whimpering has stopped, replaced with a bark of excitement. a yellow labrador comes trotting out, barking and wagging its tail. it's a fairly small one, maybe a teenage dog.

it comes up to chan first, sniffing, licking, jumping up.

changbin looks terrified, as he stands by the doorway of his room. "you see. a DOG!" he exclaims.

chan beams and laughs, both by the licking of the dog and changbin's ridiculousness. why was this a problem? his best friend was finally ready to meet the love of his life!

"before you say anything, i'm scared because of the _type_ of dog. it's all happy and excitable..." changbin whispers the last part as if the dog might hear him.

chan scoffs. "that's perfect for you, binnie! you'll meet a cute and happy boy!"

jeongin then speaks up for the first time. he is pissed off. "i can't believe you made us worried over your future soulmate..."

chan nods his head in agreement but focuses his attention on the sweet dog.

changbin half laughs apologetically. "yeah well, it's an emergency. now, it's always going to be on my mind. who will this cute boy be? when might i meet him? where will i meet him? why now, might i add? i was content with life and now this expensive ass dog will be in my way, demanding attention. whichever magician or theorist or... _something_ that came up with this clearly doesn't know me. i'm not ready for a dog. i'm not ready for love. it doesn't make sense!"

jeongin looks at changbin in a 'are you serious way?'. as they're close, jeongin isn't intimidated by changbin.

"changbin, you got chan all worried over the least of your problems, a flippling dog!" jeongin half shouts, dropping the honorifics.

changbin's face is shocked, chan's is too, by this sudden outburst of a cutie pie. the dog is silent, looking up at jeongin with curious eyes.

jeongin's face starts to become red, unsure of what is up with him. why he is all worked up.

but he does not stop there.

"chan hyung was seriously starting to think something was wrong! it hurt me to see him so worried! i wouldn't wish worry on him at all and i wish i was the one to hug him, not you! all of this over a stupid fucking dog?! i haven't had a dog, so be fucking grateful, you piece of utter bin juice! stop laying all your problems on yourself and god, just accept your fate! i've accepted mine that i won't be with chan and you fucking should too!"

his voice has risen high and scratchy. and only then does he drop his mouth open in an 'o' shape as he realises what he just said.

he confessed his feelings for chan. changbin's ones too.

this is bad. really bad.

jeongin seems to shrink by the pure embarrasment of it all. he avoids looking at their faces, instead muttering a small squeak of "sorry."

he dashes out the door like lightning, slamming it for good measure.

he runs, runs, runs out of the block of flats to the sound of the yellow labrador barking in the distance and his breathing that has risen to a high.

uh oh.

he feels stuffy. he feels faint. he feels weak.

jeongin's last vision is of the neon green exit sign that he didn't quite make it past.


	3. Is The Past REALLY The Past?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm back... i really enjoyed writing this chapter and it's quite a long one too, so enjoy <3 as usual, please leave comments and kudos, ty!
> 
> EXTRA NOTE- this au is based in the summer holidays of 2018. i'm from the uk therefore idk korea's school system. if it seems confusing, i'm simply referencing the american school system like the grade names (freshman, sophomore etc) and the summer formal lmao. i'm ALSO doing international ages e.g hyunjin is 18 and has already left school. the other 00 liners have senior year to do, they'll be 18 in september. jeongin is a year below and so, the older members will be easy to grasp i hope. if you still find this or any of my plot confusing, pls feel free to comment or dm me on twitter, @felixndchill !

han jisung has always been talented, strictly speaking. he has a talent for drawing, a talent for rapping, singing, dancing, a talent for jokes, to make people smile, a talent for last minute school work, a talent for just shining bright, like a star.

except, he doesn't have a talent for one thing.

knowing and accepting his own feelings. for a boy that cares so much for others, smiles and laughs around, he doesn't even know himself...

it started when he was 14. a chubby cheeked teen who wore glasses, had braces and was referred to as the 'amazing han'. who would've been the subject of bullying if he wasn't so lovable and kind.

at that age, he was just living life, loving attention and leaving a memory in people's brains as the 'rapping han', the 'dancing han', the 'funny han', whatever postive adjective that would describe jisung perfectly.

what everyone failed to remember was that he would get a dog some day. of course he would. it was inevitable.

he called his closest friend at the time. his friend cared so much for him and thus, offered support. a guidance.

in his button down shirt and chinos that were in fashion, he calmed jisung down. telling him it would be okay. how everything always did work out in his favour. how everything would be okay if he just smiled and carried on.

it wasn't the words jisung wanted to hear. jisung cried. he looked at the dog and cried. he even looked at his friend's sweet face. the more he thought of his friend's face, the _more_ he cried.

those painful sobs that shook his whole being. the handsome face he never thought of in that way before.

someone like han jisung shouldn't have been crying like that.

he didn't do anything to deserve such an awful cry.

he may have unintentionally shouted at the unknowing friend. he may have accidentally caused a whole lot more pain than he intended.

he hated himself. he also hated how he didn't even know his own feelings. how he didn't know at the time that something worse would happen to him.

******************************************************************************

"minho hyung, do i look okay?" jisung asks minho, who is laying on his back, spread out on the bed with his legs occasionally kicking in the air.

he is playing on a nintendo switch, the only sounds of him grunting and swearing by playing some sort of cooking game. minho's face has been buried in the console for roughly an hour.

he isn't giving up on the game now, not even to briefly glance at his boyfriend's outfit of a simple black suit that accentuates his finally broad shoulders after working out often, the white button shirt, carefully knotted with a black silk bow and the shiny, black shoes that's probably a bit too shiny.

minho immediately says "no." without emotion, just a blank face.

minho is like this all the time. but jisung knows minho well, so jisung is not offended in the slightest.

he _knows_ that the moment minho would actually look at jisung, his eyes would immediately melt like he'd seen the most beautiful angel. his mouth would either portray a smile or a smirk.

"help me curl my hair." jisung says, after roughly scrunching up his blonde hair that's almost at a mullet's length now.

jisung waits patiently for the curler to warm up as he tries to do everything he can to stop himself from sweating in his suit. he doesn't want to smell bad.

he tries to gulp water, open the window, operate the fan. nothing seems to work, as he swears he can feel his sweat glands getting to work.

'all abroad the sweat train! we will now initiate the sweat that will ultimately make jisung swat his suit and feel trapped. yay!' the sweat glands seem to say.

to keep his mind off it, jisung prods minho's leg.

minho kicks him softly to 'get off'. minho's face is in concentration and jisung's heart races. the moment minho will look at him, he knows he's gonna blush and internally squeal. minho's black hair is cutely parted on either side of his face, framing his face as he's lying down.

jisung tries again to get minho to look at him . and again.

until finally, minho pauses the game and looks up at his boyfriend.

to anyone else, minho would seem normal right now. but just that look alone is enough to tell jisung that minho is in love with him.

his soft, cat like eyes soften ever so slightly and his mouth parts, showing the top half of his teeth.

no words are needed as jisung offers a hand, which minho accepts and shuffles off the bed. they both head over to jisung's cluttered vanity.

the makeup brushes, the powders half opened, the abandoned homework he's left there all summer, his precious bobbing doll, his collection of pins are just some of the everyday objects habitated on there. the curler is also one of them.

jisung sits down on the available space on the stool, as minho stands behind, putting on gloves that jisung still miraculously keeps in the curling box. he gets to work.

in jisung's school, the sudden death of a teacher close to summer meant activities had been postponed or cancelled to respect her. the student council decided to hold events like the annual sports competitions and even the formal in summer. which is tonight.

jisung doesn't mind, except the fact that it's horribly humid. he wants to see everyone's pretty dresses and suits, and also to be able to see his classmates once during the holidays.

"why is there a packet of half eaten oreos lying in the kitchen, by the way?" minho asks out of the blue. he is currently doing the back of jisung's hair, making sure the curls arent't too curly, just wavy.

"it wasn't me, it was the dog." jisung answers back.

"what dog? you're funny." minho replies, sniggering a tad.

"i was hungry!"

"you don't happen to store some in your cheeks for your hyung right?"

"ew no, don't be gross!" jisung glares at minho through the mirror, despite knowing that minho adores his chubby cheeks. minho replies with a wink.

"you're the gross one, being all messy. leaving our kitchen in a mess."

"don't be so dramatic! be grateful it wasn't a half eaten apple or something."

"an apple a day keeps the doctors away, they say."

"what?" jisung asks, confused to the random input of knowledge. minho sighs and that brings the friendly disagreement to an end.

suddenly, minho speaks again, in a hushed tone. "almost done, my handsome prince."

"n-no, that's you." jisung replies back, feeling his cheeks start to blush. or maybe that's the heat from the curler, which minho has already moved on to his fringe. he can't see what minho's reaction is, as his right field of vision is blocked by his curtain of hair.

there is only a simple giggle to be heard.

*********************************************************************

during this time of night, seoul is at its peak of commuters travelling home. the twinkling street lights that are rather romantic, in a weird way, under the blackness of the sky. no stars are to be seen. the noises aren't exactly romantic though... some shouts here and there, but mostly the occasional car driving past.

if you listen carefully, you can hear deeper into the city. where the real bustle is.

jisung and minho live roughly 10 minutes from the venue where the formal is. luckily.

as jisung is walking hand in hand with minho, smiling at the sheer thrill of going to his first ever formal with his _boyfriend,_ he spots a woman across the road. she has her dog on a pretty pink lead and what strikes jisung is the breed of the dog.

a husky.

a majestic creature, with a confident stance. before long, the husky and its owner is out of sight, having gone the opposite way of minho and jisung.

seeing the husky sends a visible chill down jisung's spine as he remembers what happened...

minho notices jisung's sudden chill, mistaking it for shivering out of coldness.

he takes off his own jacket without saying a word and wraps it around jisung's shoulders.

jisung smiles faintly but can't stop thinking about the husky.

the darned husky.

instead, he speaks to minho, who has resumed the hand holding with him. "hyung, aren't you cold now?"

"no, i'm fine. you keep the jacket." minho is only wearing a white shirt too. instead of a black lace bow, he has a white one, tied in a similar style. he is wearing short doc martens on his feet.

the silence between them is really nice and not at all forced or awkward. they could be in silence for hours on end and not get bored of each other.

finally, after walking through suburban streets which has quieted down, they reach the hall where the party is taking place.

the only indication is the stream of students going in and out of the hall, like ants. all wearing different colours, different styles of dresses and suits and hairstyles. most in friendship groups, others alone or in couples. there are no dogs in sight though.

jisung knows the summer formal is a big deal. but he didn't think it was this big of a deal, judging by the hundres of people here.

the faint beat of a pop song can be heard and the only other indication is the huge red and blue banner which reads "welcome freshmen, sophomores and juniors alike! party until late at night for one night only! no dogs please."

how lame.

minho bends down slightly to whisper in jisung's ear. "everyone here is like 5."

jisung smiles and whispers back. "you can't be seen with me then, i'm only 5"

minho sniggers and repeats the whispering stance. "you're a 10 in my eyes."

minho is proud of his flirty pun.

"lee minho, that's so romantic!"

jisung says but he's secretly impressed. what a brilliant pick up line!

han jisung also has a talent for sarcasm.

"i do try."

after only a beat, jisung asks "do you think people will be shocked seeing you with me?" jisung's voice has become smaller, somehow.

"what do you mean?"

"like, you're so handsome. loads of people are looking at you. even girls. what would people think, han jisung with a literal god?"

jisung is confident. but when minho's confidence is ten times more, he always compares the both of them. it's one of his biggest flaws.

suddenly without any hesitation, minho tugs jisung's wrist, making the smaller spin to face minho. minho's face gets extremely close to jisung's, making his breath get hitched.

the people staring don't concern them. they are in their own world. it's just them. no one else matters.

"han jisung, listen to me right fucking now. you're handsome and you being you is enough for me. stop worrying. you look so good. now, let's get in there and enjoy the party!" minho is more a 'showing your affection by teasing' type, so seeing him rather serious complimenting jisung makes jisung feel special.

their eyes gaze into each other, their foreheads touching.

before anything else can happen, a cough is heard.

it sounds distant. has someone stepped into their bubble? well, yes. the moment is lost, as minho and jisung turn to look at the sound source, back to reality.

it's the very cool and sweet university graduate, kim woojin. his kind gaze and kind smile relaxes both jisung and minho.

he is wearing a suit similar to them but with braces and a dickie-bow. his black hair is slightly curled.

"well hello lovebirds! i saw you both walking through the gates, i was gonna surprise you but then saw this intimate moment. i also came to stop you from kissing because the principal is roaming the place. you know how he's like towards us gays." woojin explains.

his explanation makes jisung and minho nod their heads. they understand.

jisung excitedly hugs woojin, not having seen him for quite some time.

he was a senior in this school, whilst jisung was a freshman. jisung looks up to woojin as the perfect guy. he has looks, talent, charisma, brains. everything.

so, when jisung had to be tutored maths as he was falling behind by the smartest guy in the school which was woojin at the time, he thought it even more.

they've become great friends, despite the age difference of three years. and even found out they both really enjoy creating music.

woojin is also friends with minho because they both worked at the same convenience store whilst they were both in school too.

"hyung! i missed you!" jisung exclaims, letting go so that minho can hug him too.

"i know, it's been a minute! let's go inside, there's food and punch!" woojin leads the way, nodding at the security guard as they walk in.

"yo hyung, why are you here?" minho asks the elder.

"word got around fast in my classmates groupchat from school, that there'll be a huge fight between the school's bully and a freshman! i invited some other people, who invited others and so on because who would say no to a free excuse to dress up and secretly get wasted?"

so, the mass amount of people weren't at all there for the actual summer formal. makes sense.

jisung and minho can't help but wonder why was the fight happening in the first place.

"how come the security guard doesn't know all these people aren't from school?" jisung asks instead. curious.

"he may be big, he may be strong but he's kinda dumb. he only kicks out people or doesn't let people who seems drunk or high in. otherwise it's easy to just walk in."

ah!

inside, the hall is cramped. bodies dancing everywhere, people sitting here and there, others standing in groups or as couples. there's minimal decoration, probably because of the lack of funds towards this last minute formal.

the lights glow a small golden, yellow colour on the walls, providing some light but otherwise, the hall is dark.

"i'm gonna go and see when the fight is on, come find me later!"

what's the hype with the fight? and why is woojin so for it? isn't he supposed to be really kind, really caring? jisung and minho share a look.

they both try and squeeze past people to go to the food and drink stand. as soon as they arrive and squeeze past the biggest clump of people, jisung loses minho in the crowd.

dammit, they should've sticked to the sides.

a stray elbow jabs him in the side and he hears a small 'sorry'. he gets pushed backwards as someone yells, 'mosh pit!' he can smell each individual person's sweat.

the music builds up. it's obvious people are gonna go wild and push each other soon.

if jisung doesn't find minho soon or doesn't move, he'll get crushed.

as he tries to squeeze past a gap he finds, two guys are speaking next to him who are also trying to get out of the soon to be moshpit.

"i dunno bro, i'm just saying that if you abandon your dog, your soulmate will feel the pain. my cousin did it and she met her soulmate. it was suspicious as the soulmate happened to feel depressed for the same amount as when she had the dog."

"that's bullshit. that's no solid proof."

"it really is. i spoke about it with miss park and she said it seems accurate. after all, they represent your soulmates personality and the things they like or don't like. so, why can't it be true for that?"

"i actually think-"

jisung is through the gap and lightly jogs out of the big crowd, so he can no longer hear the conversation.

the beat drops just as jisung makes it to the emptiest and thinnest part of the hall. the corners of the hall.

it feels weird as jisung is normally in the middle of the dance floor. he isn't the stay in the corner at parties type. but he can't help it. the moshpit looks rather scary.

jisung starts to worry that minho is in there. he also starts to worry about the two guys' conversation.

first the husky, now the conversation. it all starts to make sense.

he worriedly starts to gnaw at a loose hangnail. oh god.

"what's wrong?" comes minho's voice from beside him.

jisung jumps. he totally zoned out. he looks and sees that minho seems fine. he also has two drinks in his hand, what seems to be punch. so he must've arrived at the food and drink table after all.

"where were you?" jisung asks, ignoring the question.

no, he isn't okay.

"i went to the drink station. i saw you weren't with me so i thought you probably saw a classmate."

charming. he didn't worry whether jisung would've been in the moshpit.

"okay." jisung says bluntly.

now he doesn't want to stay. he just wants to go home.

"seriously, what is up with you?" minho asks, a frown on his face. he sets down the drinks on a nearby table, knowing the conversation is going to get serious.

"nothing." jisung says, almost defensively.

"seriously?" minho asks, not fooled.

"yes!"

"okay..." minho's tone of voice trails off.

"okay?"

"yes, okay." he says it rather harshly.

jisung can't stand it no more. he has to tell him.

"minho i-"

"hm?"

"im not okay... i have something to tell you." here he goes.

"juicy?"

"well, this guy in the crowd just said something stupid and i don't believe it but i cant stop thinking about it."

"what is it?" minho's eyes become big with curiousness.

the younger sighs and continues, lowering his voice. he shuffles closer to minho to be heard over the loud edm music.

"he said that your soulmate feels pain if the dog feels pain too... if you abandon your dog, he said your soulmate feels it too. it's the representation of your soulmate, after all."

instead of mocking him as jisung would suspect, minho looks like he's seriously considering it.

"well then."

"huh?"

"explains a lot, right?" minho shrugs. without showing anymore emotion on his face, he turns around, grabs his drink and gulps it all down in one go.

jisung can't form a single sentence, as he is only worried that minho is thinking what he's thinking.

'he-he does' jisung realises. his heart breaks at that moment.

when jisung's parents found out the dog was a male, oh boy.

shit got down. jisung probably would not have made it out of that house alive if he hadn't escaped.

he didn't come back for a couple days, but when he did, he wished he hadn't. he really _shouldn't have_ come back home.

at least he wouldn't have witnessed what they did if he hadn't- they abused the dog because it was a male. they hated homosexuality. they hated their only son but took it out on the dog.

although jisung wanted to love the dog in some way, he couldn't show weakness to his parents.

and thus, when he was 16, enduring the two years of horrible remarks, he finally grew balls to leave the household.

he met minho and was no longer homeless. he never saw the dog again.

a husky.

"hey minho, it's not what you think!" jisung exclaims loudly to be heard.

"what are you talking about?" minho turns around. minho could be so confusing sometimes.

"about the soulmate thing..." jisung tries to edge closer but minho backs up for what little space he has.

"leave it, the past was in the past."

"but-"

"no buts. i'm gonna go to a convenience store and buy some snacks or something. coming here was a bad idea. meet you at the house later." minho's voice seems blunt, harsh almost but he gives a small smile.

the smile makes jisung's heart break more. it shows sadness and defeat. the emotions that jisung hasn't seen since they were officially together.

without anymore words, minho walks away, dodging the people in the way.

jisung watches his boyfriend walks away, his figure soon swallowed by the crowd.

jisung feels helpless.

the words jisung spoke obviously hurt minho......

************************************************************

_when hyunjin was 14 years old, he met his friend’s dog who was a male. this came as a shock to him. being gay was a taboo. everyone knew that. and so, one of his seemingly straight friends was going to be with another male? even so, hyunjin was accepting of love full stop. the friend was in shock and hyunjin was trying to calm him down. hyunjin saw the utter disbelief and hatred in his eyes that was aimed at the male dog._

the friend who comforted jisung was hyunjin. the dog was a husky, tall and beautiful. majestic. the dog was minho.


	4. [AUTHOR’S NOTE]

THIS IS ONLY NOTES, I’M SORRY! please read. 

hello to all of my readers, firstly thank you so much for reading my fanfic. thank you for giving it kudos and even to those that have commented. i appreciate it greatly! secondly, i do like this fanfic, i’m proud of it and for the 3 chapters i have, it is going somewhere as i have now introduced every character. but, even with that, i know 3 is a lacking number of chapters. i know i’m lacking as a writer for the lack of update for 3+ weeks? it’s because i don’t know how to pick up from where i left off. although i can visualise the plot in my head, when i write it down, i become bored of what i write and then i keep changing what will happen. i’m having a writers block bc i’ve pretty much lost my motivation to advance further mostly bc of myself but also bc of school work and such. i hope you understand. i will surely finish this soon but idk when, that is the problem. i need to plan it better, as a writer and i realize that. i’m sorry but be patient, the next chapters will come soon :( i know i could’ve updated what i’ve wrote so far, which is not that much but i just didn’t want chapter 4 to be made in a rush and not good just bc i needed it to be up on time (the past 3 updates have been on sundays). but to end this note, i hope you’re all gonna be patient and hopefully still read it once i’ll finally write chapter 4 xo


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